Feed Me To Stones - Letter To Los Angeles

Dear Los Angeles and California,

In about six days I'm going to be leaving you. I know, it still surprises me that it's so soon too. It's okay for you to feel a little sad about it and I'm certainly going to miss you too. We have a lot of history together, and a lifetime of memories. Remember that time I fell into that cactus patch? Haha, yeah, I don't think I'm gonna be doing much of that up in non-cactus-having Washington.

Actually, I don't know if Washington has cacti or not. There's a lot about that place I don't know, honestly. I was born and raised here. I've learned your patterns, and have even grown to appreciate them. Your lack of actual seasons, the occasional poor air-quality, and insane people. I'm sure Tacoma is going to have crazy people too, but it just won't be the same. They won't be our crazy people.

I still think it's funny, actually. Ever since I was little, my biggest dream in life was to become an actor. Twenty-three years here and, yeah, sure I've done the odd audition, and helped with a few of my friends student projects. But I lacked faith in myself and never really pursued it. It never made much sense seeing as how I lived in the center of all that is The Biz. It's my own fault, really. You gave me the chances and I just let them pass me by. C'est le vie. Or, rather, tal es la vida.

Oh, yeah, I made small marks in various other things whose opportunities arose only because I lived in L.A. There were people I've met, bumped into, unknowingly stalked that I'll probably never see anywhere else. Certain trades I've picked up that I'm pretty certain I'd never have considered elsewhere. All of my friends-- good, or otherwise-- are here. There's a lot of things I'm leaving behind. But I trust that you'll take care of them while I'm gone.

And don't feel bad that mom and Robyn are moving elsewhere too. It's nothing personal, and the timing is only really just coincidental when it comes right down to it. It's not that you weren't good enough, it's just that they need a different kind of relationship, one that only Oklahoma can give them right now.

But you're still my baby, Los Angeles. I may be somewhere else, but you'll always be in my heart. I have far too much left undone here, so I don't doubt I'll be back someday. Maybe to fulfill a dream, or maybe because my dreams have been broken. I don't know when, either; maybe it'll be a few weeks, or a few dozen years. I'll even try to visit. Probably.

I guess now is the time to say it, though. While we're being honest. I don't really know if I'll ever come back. You know how my life has been, right? You've seen it from the day I was born until this very moment. Things work strangely in my life, and certain opportunities are afforded that I never would have predicted. For instance, this move to Washington never would have happened had I not reconnected with my friend Ashleigh. That wouldn't have happened had I not moved to Simi Valley. That wouldn't have happened had I not had a falling out with my roommate, and THAT would never have happened had I never gone to school. And even that would never have happened had I not worked at Target. Do you see what I'm saying, Los Angeles? I think you, if anyone, could appreciate what I'm saying here. Life is just too unpredictable.

I'm certain you'll be okay without me. You'll learn to live life, and so will I. If I do come back-- which, I hope, will happen even if just to stop by for tea-- just know one thing: everything is a-okay.

Bah, I've probably rambled on and been sentimental enough for you. I've never been one for long goodbyes, and technically I'm not saying that yet. But I felt you deserved some closure, and so with that I bid you adieu. I only have eyes for you, Los Angeles. But my heart is taking me elsewhere now.

Take care, and be kind to the rest of your children.

Love,
Jeremy