Wanna know a secret? Come in close, I have to whisper it to you. I'm in the midst of a serious depression. *schoolgirl hand-to-mouth chuckle*

Seriously though, I really am. I hadn't realized it until today and suddenly things make sense. I haaaate my job, specifically my boss and the whole retail thing. I'm sick of living here, and while I absolutely adore my flatmates and would be happy to live with them anywhere else, Ruston is just a go-nowhere kind of place for someone like me and it's starting to weight on my shoulders. My family's drama hasn't gotten any less, it's only gotten more spread out and painful. I'm lonely as fuck. I don't feel like I'm going anywhere and that I'll never go anywhere, which is a fate worse than death to me. I keep yearning for a return to a childhood that was never really good to begin with. I'm tired all the time and I hate everything. I'm so angry I could spit.

Today alone I nearly threw my hands in the air and said "I quit on life!" more times than I can count. I'm so done with all this shit. I feel like a whiney high-school kid being a whiny high-school kid, but seriously? I'm just fucking sick of this shit.

I cannot, CANNOT, sit idley while life passes me by. My eyes on the internet and ass on the couch. I have to do stuff, go places, be active in some way or another that doesn't involve my sole social interactions being my job. I'd rather kill myself-- I'm not kidding.

Not to mention they cut my hours worse and worse all the time at work. I'm looking at other options again, but I don't know what the fuck to do. I don't know what I want, but I know I don't want the only things that're the only places I know how to look.

I'm just fed up. Straight up.