So all this time I've been thinking that I'd taken care of both my private and federal loans, that with one long phone call about my private loans and a simple internet form filed with my federal ones, that I'd have them under forbearance for a good long while (3 months for the private, 6 months for the federal). FUCK ME, HUH?!

While the private forbearance stuck and is up mid-way through this months (after which I'll be forced to pay $150 bucks I don't have to pay about half of what they want me to pay), the federal one never seemed to go through! AT ALL! So now? I'm about to default on a loan I was sure was taken care of for now. And when I try calling them, I can't get a hold of anyone. At all.

Life is just not worth living in situation. Not much choice in the matter, but it's terrible none the less. My life is about to be very fucked no matter the outcome-- whether I have to pay the late fees with money I simply do not and will not have or if they start garnishing my wages.

I've decided to tell my dad to go through my stuff in California and just sell everything. Comics, games, movies, guitars, books; everything. I can't live like this. I just can't.

Oh, and just to brighten moods:

5931 / 50000 words. 12% done!

I'm going through an 'emo' patch right now. One of those 'not good enough' kind of things. Take a situation, and tag on a 'I'm not good enough' and you'll get me right now.

My art? Not good enough.
My writing, both fiction and article? Not good enough.
My photography? Not good enough.
My music? Not good enough (irritatingly so).
My singing and lyrical skill? Way not good enough.
My drive and ambition? Not good enough lately.
My feels of self worth as far as the dating world goes? Not good enough.

Emotions are for gaymosexuals. I hate 'em. I hate when my feelings of self-worth plummet like I'm bipolar or some shit, which I'm totally not. I'm just bored and shiftless, and ergo depressed. Laaaaame...

What is with me and the end of the world, lately?
( Keep Turning [fiction] )