March 6th, 2016

Me in flames

(no subject)

Things are going really well for me in Portland so far, and I'm terrified every day that it will fall apart. Fortunately it's not enough of a fear to cripple me, but it definitly makes me wary of every interaction and decision I make.

I've been here for about five months now and I very quickly gained a friend group who are very active. They like me, I like them. Outside of that group I have other friends as well (Hi Alan and AJ!), but I definitely find myself keeping everybody at arms distance away. I'm worried that will affect my ability to create strong relationships, all because of how negatively things ended with other friends recently.

The funny thing though is, just as I mentioned a moment ago, even if they did go south I know I have it in me to just keep going forward anyway. One thing I recognize about myself is that I will never stop being active, and will never stop reaching out to others. So I've got that going for me at least.

But yeah, I do fear every day that everything is going to fall apart again. But I have faith in myself that if it does I'll still survive.