Jeremy (dergerm) wrote,

I had a very intense dream this morning. I was at my grandparents place (a common dream location, but one I haven't dreamed of in a while) where my dad lives now, and all my dad, stepmom, grandma, and grandpa were all living there. It started with my grandpa getting sick, but became all about my grandma.

There were all these things I'm sure are metaphors, most of which I can't recall. But there are three things that stick out.

I slept in the bathtub, which wasn't how it was when I was growing up. It was yellow and claw footed, and the walls of the bathroom were wood rather than stucco or whatever. And when I looked out the back it looked up at a hill, which didn't exist anywhere but through the bathroom window (if I went outside it was no longer there). And the fact that I slept in the bathtub both bothered, and didn't bother me in a weird way. It bothered me because it was embarrassing, but I was used to it for some reason so I just didn't complain.

Also there were constantly flowers everywhere. The ones that stuck out the most were these white flowers my grandparents house used to have but have since died away. They're these huge stemmed things, with a big bulb of a flower, usually just two large white or orange pedals, and a huge yellow stamen in the middle. I have no idea what they're called. They were usually moist with dew for some reason, even when it didn't make sense.

Also, there was a thing with windows. There was always something weird about them-- not just the windows themselves, but what you saw through them, or what they represented. For instance the windows were always closed-- they HAD to be closed for one reason or another. Also, often times I would look out the window and there would be views of things that just plain were not actually there (like the hill mentioned above) and I'd go outside to find that the thing I saw wasn't there.

But the most upsetting thing was when I was in my grandparents room and my grandma was lying on the bed, sick. I remember looking out the window and seeing her out in the yard, but also on the bed. I went and opened the window and she was still outside, AND still in the bed, so I ran out the backdoor to find she was gone, but when I looked back at the window I understood why they had to stay closed-- we were trying to keep my grandma from dying, and I had just let her go.

The thing about all this though is that my grandma passed away over a year ago. I remembered that IMMEDIATELY upon waking up. So I have no real idea what it could all mean. I have theories-- mainly that I need to let go of my past and my childhood, because everything in my dream somehow reminded me of that (not to mention other things I've been noticing)-- but overall it's still confusing.

I was also very fatigued through the entire dream. Stumbling around, exhausted and nonsensical at times. Not sure why.

Anyway. I've got to create more dreams now. If anyone has any theories, I'd be more than happy to hear 'em.
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